Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
