At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
