The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
