Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
