I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
