my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
