You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i drank out of a bidet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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