Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
