I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
whose parrot is this?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
