How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
