dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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