Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize