My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
