I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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