i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
