She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
