hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
