I've blown a few things in my day
The best revenge is premature balding
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
