A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
