I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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