Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
