we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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