there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
