I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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