You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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