so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
