i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
