I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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