I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My dick has a subreddit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize