so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
