I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
