omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
