I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
