I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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