If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
