She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
