I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
