Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
