I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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