I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
