Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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