hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
