You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
