it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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