yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
