mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
