my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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