I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize