I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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