i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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