So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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