Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want her autograph on my taint
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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