I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
