I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ugly people sure do ruin things
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
