Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
