cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
