just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
