Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
