i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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