I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
