I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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