got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
