Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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