Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
