11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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