So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
