Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
