Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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