Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize