So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
