LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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